The Diary Of Miss Nobody

Viewing habits.

If you read my last post you might guess why my viewing habits are as strange as they are at the moment.

I’m not one for television, it is just mindless crap so I spend most of my time fluttering around the internet, playing the odd game and watching the odd video. I have started to find that after exhausting the usual stuff (Facebook, Deviantart, Youtube, a few game websites) I start to find erotic videos, I’m not really sure why I just start looking at these but I do, I get some weird urge to watch them. It’s not for masturbation or anything, I just like them.

So recently I have started looking at more and more BDSM, I’ve never been the sweetest, softest girl in the bedroom anyway, and have been known to experiment with things, but some of the stuff I have found is pretty shocking, even to somebody like me. There is this one woman who goes by the name of Queensnake and she is absolutely M.E.N.T.A.L. I’m all for a bit of bondage and such but she just takes it to another level; whipping with nettles, putting drawing pins through her lady lips, and wait for it… stapling her downstairs closed! It makes me feel like such a wuss, I thought I could take pain but jesus christ almighty.

I do find some of this stuff very attractive though. Kink.com seems to be more on my level, it looks enjoyable but still rather painful. I’d love to find a boyfriend or girlfriend understanding enough to talk to about maybe experimenting in this area but bringing it up makes me so nervous, after all, it’s pretty heavy shit. I’d love to find a man who would let me beat him sensless and I’d love to meet a girl who would do the same to me. I mean where does anyone find these people and how do you go about asking? This kinda sex is erotic torture.

Basically, I really want to experiment in a heavier, darker side of sex, but have nobody to try it with!

Sex 001: Sex Drive

Since splitting with Paul my sex drive has been… slightly un-controllable. Sometimes I find it so hard not to just put myself out there.

I’ve been experimenting too, I mean why not when you aren’t with anyone? It’s kinda fun anyway. I got a couple of new toys, a couple that I would defo reccomend to any lonely girl. The first was a Hitatchi Magic Wand, it is a more expensive toy but I have to say that at £54.99 it is defo worth it, I have never felt anything so good in all my days. The second is something possibly not for everybody, I had heard of the amazing power of water, and like most people, have experimented with the shower head more than a couple of times, then I came across a dildo shower attatchment/douche, I gotta say, that is one strange but amazing feeling, left me shaking all over.

I don’t understand these girls that don’t use sex toys, or the ones who have the average boring ‘Rampant Rabbit’ style one from Ann Summers (though I do own one). I think that in private you can really push yourself, really find out what gets you going, not just what will make you orgasm.

A week in the life.

So I guess I’ll kinda sum up last week, kinda like a prologue.

Tuesday: Not much going on today, went into uni for abit, pub, drink drink drink, hanging out with the guys: Liz, Jack, Helen, Martin, Elle and Tim. Tim is cute but I’m not too sure, sometimes a little cocky and arrogant. Guys eh? Didn’t end up getting home until god knows what hour.

Wednesday: Arose from my deep drunken slumber at around 14:00, hazy, feeling sick, huuuuge headache, man, I shouldn’t drink… it always seems like a good idea at the time. Had trouble finding cigarettes, found them, crushed in my bag; the tobacco was everywhere. So I just lazed around all day in my Pjs doing nothing except watching the crap they call entertainment on the T.V, defo not going out tonight.

Thursday: Uni again, fun times, hangover has gone but it seems that everyone else has gotten another one. It’s great when people have a hangover and you don’t, I get this strange sense of pride/grandeur. We decided on a pub lunch today, not a good idea seeing as we may have stayed slightly too long and missed out afternoon lecture. One by one everyone trailed out… Then there was three, Liz, Tim and I. I think Tim was giving me the eye but I’m not sure, maybe he thinks he could get me, he didn’t seem to be too shy about some of his signals, maybe it was the beer. Tim finally went home, Liz and I decided to stay out for a bit, got a bit messy.

Friday: Wake up about 11:00, where the fuck? Oh. Woke up on Liz’s couch, fully clothed and a bit sweaty, nice. So I decided to slog together some breakfast and wait for Liz to get up, she sleeps so much. Finally gets up to a cold sausage egg and bacon roll at about 14:00, appreciative but looking worse for wear. I envy how Liz looks, even when she gets up hungover she still looks damn good. I wish I could do that. So onto some shopping, the perfect hangover cure. Brick Lane is shit so we decided to goto Camden, pretty crap there too, it’s gone so downhill, just full of pretentious indie kids, at least South African BBQ is open.

Saturday: Essay writing, oh so fun. Today was boring, not much to do, bad weather, nobody to see.

Sunday: Day of rest. Had a bit of a smoke with Liz and Jack, watched some films, eat some crap, talked more crap. I think Jack has a bit of a thing for Liz, need to talk to her about this. He’s a good guy, not bad looking either.

Monday: BANK HOLIDAY! No uni today, probably should be doing my essay but fuck that. I need sex man, I’m dying on my arse here, can’t remember the last time I felt close to someone.

Tuesday: Back n uni, we decided against going to the pub at lunch today and made it into the afternoon lecture. Nothing exciting to talk about, just chillin’ tonight.

A brief view into to my life.

Some people thrive from misery and being in a situation that they can complain about, I mean I guess now and then, we all like to have a moan but I’m not one of those people really. Focus on the positives and then everything will fall into place.

I didn’t tell you my age did I? Well it’s rude to ask a girl her age, and I don’t feel like telling you, I am between 20 and 30 though, so try and figure it out if you want, but I won’t tell you either way.

My best friend of many years… Liz, she’s fantastic, about as mental as me minus the dangerous stuff (to an extent). We drink, we smoke, we have been known to dabble in some substances in the past. She’s a fantastic gal, someone who is always there when I need her and most of the time when I don’t, most girls end up having fall outs, I know I have, but never with Liz.The ex: A slightly psychotic, obsessive depressed post teen teenager. Paul is the kinda guy that will follow you on his knees over broken glass, but that doesn’t make up for some of his other qualities. My parents, sadly aren’t with me anymore. I think just about anyone else mentioned will just pop up now and then, you’ll get the hang of it if you keep reading.